Sunday, November 6, 2011

My Cat Is A Republican


Today was my favorite holiday of the year. Since I no longer work nights, I have to say Fall Back Sunday, or the end of Daylight Saving Time, is custom-made for me. I can sleep a whole hour late and no one could possibly care. Except the cat. Her reaction to my sluggishness led to a groggy epiphany.
My cat is a Republican.
I've got one living here in the house.
Proofs:
She does not believe in time change or climate change or hope and change or any change. She frowns on all matters of change.
She looks out for her own interests with fierce intensity; her food wants are paramount and must be attended to. However, when she has been nicely fed with my resources, she then turns her eye to my own meal. She obstructs my ability to feed myself by throwing herself into my legs, then once I have overcome her opposition and prepared a meal, she demands to see if mine is nicer than hers, and wants a portion.
Her behavior is generally environmentally unfriendly, as she declines to poop and pee outside where it is biodegradable. If I take the catbox away so she will go outside, she merrily proceeds to spoil my belongings to suit her preference.
She is automatically afraid of and hostile to anyone who wears anything on his or her head.
Although she brings foreign lizards into the house for her pleasure, she outsources most of the spider killing to the wild rangy outside cat.
She is, as Teddy Roosevelt put it so succinctly, a fat cat.
I don't think my TV gets Fox News but I am going to have to watch where I leave the remote.

1 comment:

  1. Does she also sleep on your head? Many do, and I call that using 'the help' for your own needs, without regard for theirs.

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