What I did and didn't say

What I did say: "Oh, so you don't have time to do this assignment?"
What I didn't say: "Bitch, you don't have anything else to do, I know this for a fact, and you were supposed to come aboard and do these specific tasks. If you don't feel like helping, get out of my face and quit the fuck paging me when you know what phone I'm sitting next to, and we'll take it up with the boss."
Being a grownup is hard. Drawing the short straw on a co-worker is hard. Keeping my face neutral is impossible.

What I have given up lately

Besides my dignity what there was of it, telling this stuff. But this week I stopped eating the one spoonful of sugar I put in my coffee, wheat, and corn.
What I have not given up: swearing. The scale hasn't gone up in three days but I swear at it anyway, and I am quietly cursing most everything else. I say FUCK under my breath a lot.

The Biggest Bra in the Store

So, yeah. I had this one bra that is a neutral color and it's the one I generally wore to work. It was big.
But the doc I went to this week to complain to about my hellish 14 pound weight gain in the last three and a half weeks and the atrocious new bone and muscle pain had little to offer. She just thinks that my insides and my metabolism were convinced I was starving to death during the Bad Year of Famous Poop, and neither one has yet gotten the message, NOT STARVING QUIT HOARDING CALORIES. And oh, that pain is refeeding myalgia, so cut back on the exercise, and we'll get you in to the endocrinologist asap.
Meanwhile, the beleaguered bra in question just gave up in exhaustion. So off I go to the bra and underwear store. Because that's where you buy bras. Except the cheery petite salesgirl measured me, thought I'd go one size up from the 36D I was sporting, and those weren't even close to big enough. I got the 38DD next, thinking this will be HUGE. And it is. Only not as far as capacity cup-wise. I could easily have worn an E. But they don't go that high in that store. I wore E's back when I was nursing and I thought the weight of my boobs would crush me if I lay down. Now I'm back in them except they don't sell them there and it was bad enough to have to buy the Biggest Bra in the Store, I was not about to hobble down the mall and look for a bra with cups big enough for my oversized head.
I am eating this primal diet thing and Saturday is the first day in nearly a month that the scale did not go up. Primal diet and endocrinologist need to handle up, I can't waddle around at nearly two hundred pounds for long without breaking a bone in my foot.

How to fix life-altering colitis

I can't really even believe I did this, much less that it worked.
My doctor gave me the long Rx for those antibiotics that helped. We talked about what would happen if they stopped helping. He mentioned a few of his patients that have not gotten any medical relief and that he was reading up on stool transplants. I had the expected reaction.  He told me a story which was not off-topic about how his teachers in medschool all completely rejected the H.Pylori hypothesis for ulcer formation as voodoo talk. Then, fifteen years later, someone devised a way to really test it and boom, almost all ulcers are curable with antibiotics. All those esteemed professors were wrong. He mildly mentioned some current researchers who attribute Crohn's to low-level TB exposure from cow's milk and UC to enterotoxic bacterial overgrowth following a viral infection. How those guys are getting hooted at now but he thinks in ten years they will be heroes. He looked at me meaningfully with that small discussion.
The antibiotics stopped working in six weeks.
The headfog was brutal, my hair started falling out again in handfuls, the belly pain was coming back, the diarrhea went from three times a day to five then eight. The arthritis called Ankylosing Spondilitis which is even meaner than it sounds, revved up so I could barely get out of my car or hold my keys. My nails started breaking to the quick either from clumsiness or poor circulation, and the muscle spasms came back in my legs and feet. I went back to pain level seven all day, every day. My face swelled up and my ears were ringing. Then the fainting started again. When your gut becomes porous, your whole body goes wrong.
It was kind of a bad two weeks.
Understatement. My last chance had failed, and I got really, really sad. Then I got desperate.
I did a stool transplant.
I haven't had diarrhea in almost two weeks. It stopped when I got the stool enema. Yes, it was as gross as it sounds.
My headfog has cleared quite a bit. My belly has almost stopped hurting. My hair stopped falling out. The musculoskeletal mess is very slowly improving, and I don't get headspin or ringing ears.
It didn't make it all the way to the ileum, which is the source of the worst pain, so that's been gradual; I may have to repeat it.
But still; kind of like a miracle. I'm so ready to have a life. I hope this gives me one back.

What I did and didn't say

"Um, they won't give that away for free, you can talk to them about it but they make a lot of money charging for that, no I am not going to ask them to give it away."

(If I were a fucking fairy godmother, I would sure as shit not be ugly, old and fat; everyone knows them wish-granting wenches fix themselves first. Am I beautiful, slender, ageless, and winged? No? Then, motherfucker, I am not your fairy godmother.)