Kitty Butt Pirate

There are a lot of cats in my life. I have the two wild crazies, they rodeo all over my house and night and abuse the throw rugs. I've been helping house-sit a friend's neurotic tiny cat with the horriblest voice evah, she has a sweet nature but she sounds like the Wicked Witch of the West and she's super talky, plus has a tendency to chew off her fur. Object of Affection #2 has three cats that spend the night at his house plus a fourth that comes for meals. One of his housecats has small head syndrome; he has eaten so much that his body makes him look microcephalic. A couple of weeks ago he was making room-clearing farts. They matched his personality so we didn't think much of it until this week when he stopped eating. The vet found that he was literally full of shit; he ate so many mice and fibery things like them that his poop got too big for his pelvic girdle and his colon was impacted its entire length. She sedated him and removed as much as she could reach, and the stench made her clinic air bad enough to burn out all your nose hair.
 I had to take him back in today because his new diet wasn't helping him pass the remaining impaction. I helped her hold him and manipulate his belly while she bravely dug and enemaed and flushed and dug some ridiculously large and hard poop out of him. The sedation didn't put him all the way out, and he started growling faintly, so they had to give him anesthesia gas. After it was all done, and he only had 1/3 of the original blockage left, too high to reach, the tech and I were cleaning him up. She asked the kitty a rhetorical question and I did a voice like I was him and said, "I went to PRISON...I don't know what I did but I went to PRISON." Another client had brought her sick kitty back and the vet and tech and I burst out laughing; the client was obviously shocked that I was so heartless, making fun of kitty butt reaming. My humor is not for everyone.