Bad choices

So I felt so much better Monday, awesome. Tuesday I set my alarm early to take the ancient memaw wagon to the body shop. It lost an eye when the kid next door ran it over in the driveway and didn't stop because he had his music up so loud he didn't hear the collision. My insides went insane. Google colitis. Add nausea. There. I couldn't figure it out, between the nausea medicine making me sleepy and goofy and my constant bathroom trips. Then the only two variables came up; salad the night before and getting up early. I haven't noticed problems with salad but when I had to get up early for the scope a few weeks ago I felt this bad or worse and thought it was the prep. I have another appointment with the GI guy Tuesday to talk about the news that I thought my insides were better but I had just trained myself to sleep through the disaster. And if I wake up the whole day and the next two are awful. We are going to talk more about rheumatologists, Remicade, and surgery. Because this is not really life, sitting on this couch, thinking about drinking. If going to the pool doesn't get me substantially better in a month I am going to push for the Remicade and I don't care right now if it kills me. They've got epi, I've had it before, they can just give it. If they just refuse the Remicade I will see about the surgery even though I think in the long run it will make things worse. I am no longer a patient, I am once again impatient.  That thing about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Serious bullshit. What doesn't kill you just pisses you off.