No, I Have Not Had Absolut Vanilia Today

That was yesterday, at three in the afternoon. I actually got out of a moving truck, yelling at my boyfriend for acting like he always does, went in the house, and made myself Coke Zero and Absolut Vanilia. He was astoundingly horrified and apologetic, and I sulked and drank my medicine. Awesome medicine, incidentally. It's the only thing that makes the gut and back pain stop, even opiates don't work. Luckily it works in small doses.
There's some wonky reason involving sympathetic nervous system and cold dry weather that makes the pain so bad a girl would throw herself out of a Ford F150 to get to the vodka....
If it doesn't warm up soon and that house in Hawaii doesn't materialize I really am going to have to do that horrible threat I threatened.
I will have to build a bonfire in the backyard and dance around it nekkid. Yes, it will be ugly beyond description. The very earth will shiver in horror; and in shivering, get warmer. After the small earthquakes and mudslides have subsided, you will thank me.
Because this cold weather has just got to stop.